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by Father Max Augustine
There are three major events in your life: your birth, your marriage
and your death and only one of those can you have any real influence
over. Marriage is perhaps the most significant decision that you
are ever going to take. So it comes as no surprise when it says in the
old English Prayer Book that marriage is not to be taken 'unadvisedly,
lightly or wantonly'.
Marriage is a huge step as two people become one.
On the day of your wedding you make public vows and promises that you
have chosen someone forever.
Is there a successful formula for a successful marriage? Not in my
experience and I have been marrying couples for over thirty years and
in our beautiful Church at St Mary the Virgin Waverley couples have
been getting married for over 140 years. Needs of couples are as
different as there are stars in the universe and that is about as huge
as you can get. But the good news is that there is an approach to a
successful marriage in which a couple grow together in a love which
continually builds for the whole of their lives. This secret is both
easy and difficult at the same time. Easy because you are giving to
someone you love; difficult because you have to do the giving even when
you don't want to.
The secret is sharing: sharing your love, sharing your hopes and
fears, sharing your doubts, sharing your needs; in fact sharing
everything that is you. When you get married you have nothing which is
not your partner?s and vice versa.
Share your love one with another. Love making is so much better than
sex. The body needs sex but the spirit needs love. So making love is
far superior to having sex. Sex lasts for moments whilst love making
lasts for eternity. Sex is for now but love is forever.
Share your joys. You will have lots of happy times together. Treat
these like a treasure trove, collect them, never lose them and share
them together regularly. The more happy and joyous "Remember when we"?
will deepen your love and relationship as you reflect on the life that
you have created together for each other. Remembering the good times
will be your defence and protect you both when difficulties and
frustrations occur and no marriage is without its problems. Happy times
will turn the irritants in your marriage into pearls of love.
Share your feelings. Not only express your feelings to one another but
how you feel about the difficulties as well as the good things. There
will be times of difficulty and pain and these need to be aired as
openly and as quickly as possible. Feelings of hurt that are bottled up
act as a malignant cancer in the heart of love. Do not let the sun set
on your pain. Make a promise to each other that you will never
share a bed in anger or disappointment.
Share your spirituality. When you decide to have a Church wedding you
are saying to each other and to the world, that in some very special
way you want God to be part of your new life together. God loves you so
much and He wants the very best for you and your marriage. That is why
we call marriage a sacrament.
God is love and as you give yourself to one another in love you will experience that love.
Couples were getting married a long time before Jesus walked this earth
but if you walk with the love of Jesus your marriage will be blessed in
a very special way. As Jesus loves you and accepts you so your love for
each other will grow and deepen as you accept each other completely.
As you read this and prepare for your wedding may the Lord of Love
Jesus Christ Himself give you every blessing on your marriage or, from
the words of the old prayer book:
'May the Lord mercifully with His favour look upon
you and fill you with spiritual benediction and grace.'
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