Use the form below to ask Keri Balding, Editor of Your Wedding, a question about getting married or planning your wedding.

It can reflect your lifestyle - and be an unusual, individual, or even bizarre event or one with a huge element of fun - after all it will be one of the happiest days of your life.

Newlyweds have been known to skydive out of a hot air balloon. Weddings have been performed under water, on horseback or in mid air - with theatricality or in plain clothes in a registry office.

Many couples plan theme weddings or even fantasy weddings. Traditional weddings such as a full nuptial mass are being overtaken by less formal weddings.

But the one thing that characterises even the most contemporary of wedding ceremonies is the old fashioned concept of marriage. And of course, the celebration of a great love.

People are thinking more seriously of the commitment involved in marriage. Couples wait longer before tying the knot, women are older before starting a family.

The day of the wedding is a cause for universal excitement and unforgettable happiness. It is a day to unashamedly take centre stage and enjoy yourself to the utmost. A day when the atmosphere is electric and the emotion is overwhelming. A day that?s perfect in every detail.

A contemporary wedding is often a mix of elements - tailored to the couple's requirements. For example a religious wedding can still be performed in a less formal garden setting.

Couples nowadays routinely omit the old fashioned 'obey' from their vows and family or spiritual traditions can be woven into an individually designed ceremony.

Rarely is tradition completely dispensed with. It?s rare to find a wedding lacking the words 'I do' or a bride who freely discards the superstition of 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue'.

A bride still usually wears white or cream. There's always a ring. There's always a kiss. And it's a rare wedding in which 'Here Comes the Bride' is not heard.

A highlight of any wedding is always the tossing of the bride's bouquet and it's hard to find a wedding that doesn't have a traditional wedding cake.

And there are other constants. Mothers of the bride always shed a tear and single best friends always wonder if they will be next to marry.

If you haven't already done so, announce your wedding to the world with an advertisement in your local or metropolitan newspaper. You should be able to find the relevant forms at your local newsagency. Traditionally the bride's parents pay for the engagement notice although couples may choose to pay for this themselves.

Marriage is a huge step as two people become one. On the day of your wedding you make public vows and promises that you have chosen someone forever.

Is there a successful formula for a successful marriage? Not in my experience and I have been marrying couples for over thirty years and in our beautiful Church at St Mary the Virgin Waverley couples have been getting married for over 140 years. Needs of couples are as different as there are stars in the universe and that is about as huge as you can get. But the good news is that there is an approach to a successful marriage in which a couple grow together in a love which continually builds for the whole of their lives. This secret is both easy and difficult at the same time. Easy because you are giving to someone you love; difficult because you have to do the giving even when you don't want to.

The secret is sharing: sharing your love,  sharing your hopes and fears, sharing your doubts, sharing your needs; in fact sharing everything that is you. When you get married you have nothing which is not your partner?s and vice versa.

Share your love one with another. Love making is so much better than sex. The body needs sex but the spirit needs love. So making love is far superior to having sex. Sex lasts for moments whilst love making lasts for eternity. Sex is for now but love is forever.

Share your joys. You will have lots of happy times together. Treat these like a treasure trove, collect them, never lose them and share them together regularly. The more happy and joyous "Remember when we"? will deepen your love and relationship as you reflect on the life that you have created together for each other. Remembering the good times will be your defence and protect you both when difficulties and frustrations occur and no marriage is without its problems. Happy times will turn the irritants in your marriage into pearls of love.

Share your feelings. Not only express your feelings to one another but how you feel about the difficulties as well as the good things. There will be times of difficulty and pain and these need to be aired as openly and as quickly as possible. Feelings of hurt that are bottled up act as a malignant cancer in the heart of love. Do not let the sun set on your pain. Make a promise to each other  that you will never share a bed in anger or disappointment.

Share your spirituality. When you decide to have a Church wedding you are saying to each other and to the world, that in some very special way you want God to be part of your new life together. God loves you so much and He wants the very best for you and your marriage. That is why we call marriage a sacrament.

God is love and as you give yourself to one another in love you will experience that love.

Couples were getting married a long time before Jesus walked this earth but if you walk with the love of Jesus your marriage will be blessed in a very special way. As Jesus loves you and accepts you so your love for each other will grow and deepen as you accept each other completely.

As you read this and prepare for your wedding may the Lord of Love Jesus Christ Himself give you every blessing on your marriage or, from the words of the old prayer book:

'May the Lord mercifully with His favour look upon you and fill you with spiritual benediction and grace.'

• You can contact Father Max Augustine on (02) 9389 0853 or look him up at stmaryswaverley.org.au

Venue
Discuss the style of party you would like and venue options with your partner. Also decide on a guest list so that you know how many people to cater for.

A cocktail party, BBQ and fancy dress are very different styles and may require different venues.

You may choose a hall nearby, a hotel, function centre, a park for a picnic or your backyard.

When contacting a possible venue, be sure to ask:

• The maximum capacity, number of heads.
• Alcohol permitted. BYO or licensed?
• Back up plan for bad weather? If the function is in the garden can a marque be hired?
• If catering is included, ask about vegetarian and diabetic diets.
• Whether the facility is suited to children.

If you are having it at home, there are many catering services and party shops available to help cater for and decorate the venue.

Food
Think of the season and select food appropriately. Hot soup is lovely in winter however, salads and cold meats may be more appropriate in summer.

Try not to choose food that is too exotic, as it may not suit the tastes of all of your guests.

Invitations
These can be printed for you, you can buy pre-packaged sets or make your own. For more information, see Stationery and Accessories.

Usually, those who are invited to your engagement party will also be invited to your wedding.

When sending the invitations, include gift registry information if you have decided to register for gifts. This is only really appropriate if you have a large guest list.

Include an RSVP with the invitation for the convenience of your guests.

Mention how you would like people to dress, for example, if the event is a backyard BBQ in a paddock remind guests to dress casually. You don't want Aunt Dot's best going out shoes to step in a cow patty.

Be clear as to whether children are invited and be flexible where necessary.

Provide a map with the invitation if the venue is hard to find.

Send your invitations at least four weeks before the event.

Photography and video
You may choose to enlist the help of a talented friend or ask your wedding photographer if you can work out a package to include your engagement photos.

Formalities
Depending on the venue, you may have to consider hiring an MC (friends or family members tend to be good at this too), music (live or a disc jockey) and perhaps organise speeches.

If the party has been hosted in your honour be sure to thank the hosts publicly for their efforts and kindness.

Themes and decorations
A theme can be as simple as a particular colour trend where invites, table cloths, balloons etc match.

A more elaborate plan could be to host a dress up party such as a Hawaiian Luau.

There are many function decorators or hire places that can help you out with props, balloons, decorations and even tables and chairs. See hire companies and decorators on our website, for example.

Personal touches
You may choose to design a photomontage. You can include pictures of you and your partner and certain friends and relatives that show significant or humorous aspects of your relationship. This can be a real talking point.

You may choose to leave a signature plate out or pass a book to guests and ask them to write a message to you and your partner.

If you are having a large event, you may wish to leave a small gift or bomboniere for each guest or couple at the table.

You could supply guests with disposable cameras so that they can capture special moments that the photographer may miss.

For more ideas type ?engagement party? into a search engine on the web and you will find that people have posted their own web sites about their engagement parties. Here you will find photos and a wealth of advice and ideas from people who have just planned and enjoyed their engagement party.

Do's

• Consider your budget and work within what you can afford to spend.
• Be sensitive with the date you choose. If you choose a date around Christmas, accept that some people may not be able to attend. Make sure your guests are comfortable. Have plenty of seating and tables to suit the style of the event, and ensure they cutlery is right for the type of food you are serving.
• Be responsible. Ensure that you have a variety of non- alcoholic drinks available for those who will be driving home.
• Make time for all of your guests as best you can. If you are shy, walking up to a group of people with a plate of appetisers is a great icebreaker.
• Find some helpers if you are catering for the event yourself so that you don't spend the whole night in the kitchen.
  
• Give out of town guests information about hotels or places to stay in the area.
• Take the time to thank your guests for any presents you may receive. Follow up with a phone call or send a Thank You card.
  

Dont's

• Ask guests to pay for themselves at a restaurant unless your guests are very close to you and you know they won't mind paying.
• Combine an engagement party with a house warming or birthday party. Make it a special event in it?s own right.
• Spend your night making sure everyone is happy and forget about yourself!

The Marriage Act 1961 lists the legal requirements for marriage. Essentially these are:

• The bride and groom must give notice of their intended marriage to their celebrant/ minister not less than one month and one day and not more than 18 months before the date of the marriage. The notice must be given on the form 'Notice of Intended Marriage'.
• The bride and groom must be 18 years of age otherwise parents' consent is required.
• The bride and groom must produce evidence of their age to their celebrant/minister. This must be by official birth certificates or in special cases, passports or Certificates of Naturalisation with a statutory declaration stating the full reason why the birth certificate could not be produced.
• If either party has been previously married, evidence of termination of the marriage must be produced to their celebrant/minister. This is by certificate of decree absolute or full death certificate.
• A fee must be paid, which varies from State to State.
• The ceremony must be witnessed by two people who are over 18 years of age.
  

At the end of your ceremony you will be required to sign the Marriage Register, Certificate of Marriage and Wedding Certificate in front of two witnesses and your celebrant/minister.

A bride is not required to take her husband's surname. If you do choose to change your name, sign your maiden name on your marriage certificate; from then on sign your new, married name.

Upon marriage any previous will becomes ineffective. So after your wedding remember to make an appointment with your solicitor to make another will.

• Something old - protects the bride and links the wedding day with her past.
• Something new - brings success and good luck to the bride's future life.
• Something borrowed - transfers happiness to the bride when borrowed from a happily married woman.
• Something blue - signifies loyalty and faithfulness.

The wedding cake
The wedding cake has been a part of wedding celebrations since the time of the ancient Romans who broke a thin loaf over the bride's head at the end of the ceremony as a symbol of abundance. The crumbs were eaten by the wedding guests as they were believed to be good luck.

The ancient Greeks offered cakes made of fruit, nuts and honey to the Gods seeking approval of the marriage and their blessings to the couple.

In England during the Middle Ages the bride and groom would kiss over a pile of small wedding cakes to ensure an abundance of healthy offspring.

It was a French baker who first iced a wedding cake with hard sugar frosting.

These days the custom of sharing the cake still represents the sharing of the happiness and good fortune felt by the newly-wed couple. The cake is usually shared out to guests by the bridesmaids and if the cake is a rich, dark fruit cake then the top layer is kept and frozen, to be eaten on the couple's first anniversary or on the birth of the first baby.

Rings
In very early times the engagement ring was given as partial payment for the bride and was a symbol of the groom's good intentions. The first engagement rings were made of grass and later from leather, stone and crude metals. Diamonds became a feature in engagement rings in medieval Italy as they were the strongest gem thereby representing enduring love.

The wedding ring, exchanged during the wedding ceremony, is aslo a symbol of eternal love. In the past, it was considered lucky if silver rings were exchanged, later rings were often decorative with designs such as clasped hands, twin hearts or a single heart. Gold rings became fashionable during the 19th century and were often engraved with a short message, the couple's initials and the date of the wedding.

The rings are placed on the 4th finger of the left hand as the early Egyptians believed this finger contained the vein that led to the heart.

The English Prayer Book of 1549 stated that the 4th finger of the left hand was the proper and holy place for all wedding rings.

The Honeymoon
In early Northern Europe, newly married couples drank a fermented honey drink, known as metheglen for thirty days or until the moon waned. This time became known as the honeymoon.

In ancient times when the bride was captured, the groom hid his bride to prevent her angry relatives from finding her. From this came the concept of the honeymoon trip.

The trousseau/theglory box
The trousseau is the bride's outfit of clothes, linen and other goods which she brings with her at her marriage and is derived from the French word trousse, meaning "bundle". Originally, it was part of the dowry paid by the bride's parents to the groom as compensation for his expenses for caring for his wife.

Today the idea of the "the glory box" is generally out of favour as most brides are financially independent at the time of their marriage.

Wearing a bridal veil
The bridal veil originated in Greek and Roman times and was considered a sign of youth and virginity. The veil was introduced into Europe with the return of the crusaders. With the arranging of a marriage, a bride was swathed in a veil and revealed to her husband after the ceremony. Anglo-Saxon brides wore their hair hanging loose while Jewish brides shaved their heads.

In more recent times the fashion of wearing a veil was introduced in the USA by Nellie Custis at her wedding to an aide of President Washington following some flattering comments by her fiance after he had glimpsed her through a lace curtain at an open window.

Carrying flowers
Brides in ancient Rome carried herbs such as Rosemary as a symbol of fidelity and fertility. In Greece the brides carried ivy, representing eternal love. Orange blossoms were favoured by the Saracens as orange trees bloom and bear fruit at the same time, thereby exhibiting youth, purity and fertility all at once. The Saracen's custom of wearing a crown of orange blossoms on the bridal veil was introduced into Europe by the returning crusaders. Roses are considered the "love blossoms" and became very popular during the Victorian era.

Tying shoes to the honeymoon car
Among the early Hebrews a sandal was often given as a sign of good faith following a property exchange. Later in Europe the shoe became a symbol of domestic authority and in Anglo-Saxon marriages the bride's father transferred his authority to his new son-in-law by handing him his daughter's shoe. The groom would then hold up the shoe and tap it on the bride's head three times. Sometimes old shoes were thrown at the newly weds as they left the church and in Tudor times, people would throw old shoes over the Royal bridal carriage for good luck.

Throwing of confetti
While the idea of throwing a shoe hasn't stuck, throwing confetti at the newly weds as they leave the church has. The throwing of rice originated in the Orient as a symbol of good luck, fertility and prosperity and evolved into the coloured, paper confetti we know today. Many churches and ceremony venues have now banned the thowing of confetti in their grounds so rice is back in fashion (dyed in bright colours) as are rose petals, lavender and bubbles.

CHINESE LOVE POEM
Anon

I want to be your friend forever and ever
When the hills are all flat
and the rivers run dry
When the trees blossom in winter
and the snow falls in summer,
when heaven and earth mix -
not till then will I part from you.

ESKIMO LOVE SONG
Anon

You are my husband
My feet shall run because of you
My feet dance because of you
My heart shall beat because of you
My eyes see because of you
My mind thinks because of you
And I shall love because of you.


FROM THIS DAY FORWARD
Anon

From this day forward,
You shall not walk alone.
My heart will be your shelter,
And my arms will be your home.

GIVE ME YOUR HEART
Anon

Give me your heart, beloved. Give me your hand, my true friend.
With each passing day I grow more fond;
With each passing day, our small portion of love takes its place in the truth of time.
With the years that we have been given,
Let us grow deeply into life so that we may love all the more.

GUIDE FOR A LOVING HOME
Anon

May we treat one another
with respect, honesty and care.
May we share the little discoveries
and changes each day brings.
May we try always to be sensitive
to one another’s joys, sorrows,
needs and changing moods,
and realise that being
a loving family means
sometime not understanding
everyone all the time
but being there to love
and help them just the same.

HAPPINESS
Anon

Happiness is to be found among life’s common things. It is not great wealth, great learning, great genius or great power; it is not these things that make the possessors happy. It is health, friendship, love at home; it is the voices of children, it is sunshine. It is the blessings that are commonest, not those that are the rarest.

HINDU MARRIAGE POEM
Anon
 
You have become mine forever.
Yes, we have become partners.
I have become yours.
Hereafter, I cannot live without you.
Do not live without me.
Let us share the joys.
We are word and meaning, unite.
You are thought and I am sound.
May the nights be honey-sweet for us.
May the mornings be honey-sweet for us.
May the plants be honey-sweet for us.
May the earth be honey-sweet for us.

I KNEW THAT I HAD BEEN TOUCHED BY LOVE
Anon

I knew that I had been touched by love the first time I saw you,
and I felt your warmth, and I heard your laughter.
I knew that I had been touched by love
when I was hurting from something that happened,
and you came along and made the hurt go away.
I knew that I had been touched by love
when I quit making plans with my friends,
and started dreaming dreams with you.
I knew that I had been touched by love
when suddenly I stopped thinking in terms of “me”,
and started thinking in terms of “we”.
I knew that I had been touched by love
when suddenly I couldn’t make any decisions by myself anymore,
and I had the strong desire to share   everything with you.
I knew that I had been touched by love
the first time we spent alone together,
and I knew I wanted to stay with you forever
because I had never felt this touched by love.

IRISH BLESSING
Anon

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

May God be with you and bless you;
May you see your children’s children.
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings,
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.

LITANY FOR A WEDDING
Anon

We take delight in our very presence here in soundness of body and mind: for our ability to make decisions and the energy to carry them out.

We remember in this precious moment all those in pain and who suffer strictures in mind or debilitation of limb. For what we have, what we are and what we may become - we are thankful.

We celebrate our common life with friends and family and all the relationships that sustain our humour and support our spirits especially in time of trouble or sadness.

We remember in this timeless moment the lonely and the unloved and those who belong to none, are answerable to none and upon whom none depend. For what we have, what we are and what we may become - we are thankful.

We cherish our work, our responsibilities and the where-with-all that sustains our life-styles: for demands made upon us which bring out the best and opportunities that enliven our imaginations.

We remember in this moment of enchantment the unloved and the purposeless and those whose talents lie undiscovered or remain wasted. For what we have, what we are and what we may become - we are thankful.

We delight on this special day in the security of our families and the protection of reliable affections: in those spaces wherein love and knowledge may mature especially for these two friends -[bride’s name] and [groom’s name].

We remember in this moment those without homes and without hope; those who, despite their efforts, have come by so little and who know anxiety too well. For what we have, what we are and what we may become - we are thankful.

We are privileged to be here in these profound moments beyond ordinary time with these two folk; may their vows rekindle our own and their life together be both a celebration and a yes to all that abides deeply and remains constant: faith, hope and that most robust and forgiving of   affections: love.


LOVE’S HIDDEN TREASURE
Anon

Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more than verses on valentines, and romance in the movies. We begin to know that love is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in our lives. For love is the creator of our favourite memories and the foundation of our fondest dreams.

Love is a promise that is always kept, a  fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places. And this radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest treasure of all - one known only by those who love.

LOVE IS GIVING
Anon

Love is giving, not taking,
Mending, not breaking,
Trusting, believing,
Never deceiving,
Patiently bearing
And faithfully sharing
Each joy, every sorrow,
Today and tomorrow.

Love is kind, understanding,
But never demanding.
Love is constant, prevailing,
Its strength never failing.
A promise once spoken
For all time unbroken,
A lifetime together,
Love’s time is for ever.

LOVE IS LIFE’S END
Anon

Love is life’s end (an end, but never ending)
All joys, all sweets, all happiness awarding;
Love is life’s wealth
(ne’er spent, but ever spending),
More rich by giving, taking by discarding;
Love’s life’s reward, rewarded in rewarding;
Then from thy wretched heart
Fond care remove;
Ah, should thou live but once
Love’s sweets to prove.
Thou wilt not love to live unless
Thou live to love.

MARRIAGE IS …
Anon

Marriage is a dynamic process of discovery.
Marriage is a journey, not an arrival.
In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person.
Marriage is starting to love, over and over again.
Marriage is a life’s work.
Marriage is an art...and like any creative process, it requires active thought and effort.
We have to learn how to share on many different levels.
We need to practice talking from the heart, and understanding attitudes as well as words.
Giving generously and receiving graciously are talents that are available to anyone.
But these skills need to be developed, if the marriage picture that we paint is to be anything like the masterpiece intended.

MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT
Anon

Marriage is a commitment to take that joy deep, deeper than happiness, deep into the discovery of who you most truly are. It is a commitment to a spiritual journey, to a life of becoming - in which joy can comprehend despair; running through rivers of pain into joy again.

Thus marriage is even deeper than commitment. It is a covenant - a covenant that says: I love you - I trust you - I will be here for you when you are hurting, and when I am hurting I will not leave. It is a covenant intended not to provide a haven from pain or anger or sorrow. Life offers no such haven. Instead, marriage is intended to provide a sanctuary safe enough to risk loving; to risk living and sharing from the centre of oneself.

This is worth everything.

MAY YOUR HOME
Anon

May your home be filled with laughter
and the warm embrace of a summer day.

May you find peacefulness and beauty,
challenge, and satisfaction, humor and insight,
healing and renewal, love and wisdom,
as in a quiet heart.

May you always feel that what you have is enough.

ON YOUR WEDDING DAY
Anon

Today is a day you will always remember
The greatest in anyone’s life
You’ll start off the day just two people in love
And end it as Husband and Wife.
It’s a brand new beginning, the start of a journey
With moments to cherish and treasure
And although there’ll be times when you both disagree
These will surely be outweighed by pleasure.
You’ll have heard many words of advice in the past
When the secrets of marriage were spoken
But you know that the answers lie hidden inside
Where the bond of true love lies unbroken.
So live happy forever as lovers and friends
It’s the dawn of a new life for you
As you stand there together with love in your eyes
From the moment you whisper ‘I do’.
And with luck, all your hopes, and your dreams can be real
May success find its way to your hearts
Tomorrow can bring you the greatest of joys
But today is the day it all starts.

THE KEY TO LOVE
Anon

The key to love is understanding...
The ability to comprehend not only the spoken word,
but those unspoken gestures,
the little things that say so much by themselves.
The key to love is forgiveness...
to accept each others faults and pardon mistakes,
without forgetting, but with remembering
what you learn from them.

The key to love is sharing...
Facing your good fortunes as well as the bad, together;
both conquering problems, forever searching for ways
to intensify your happiness.

The key to love is giving...
without thought of return,
but with the hope of just a simple smile,
and by giving in but never giving up.

The key to love is respect...
realising that you are two separate people, with different ideas; that you don’t belong to each other,
that you belong with each other, and share a mutual bond.

The key to love is inside us all...
It takes time and patience to unlock all the ingredients that will take you to its threshold;
it is the continual learning process that demands a lot of work... but the rewards are more than worth the effort...
and that is the key to love.

THESE I CAN PROMISE
Anon

I cannot promise you a life of sunshine;
I cannot promise riches, wealth, or gold;
I cannot promise you an easy pathway
That leads away from change or growing old.
But I can promise all my heart’s devotion;
A smile to chase away your tears of sorrow;
A love that’s ever true and ever growing;
A hand to hold in yours through each tomorrow.

THIS DAY I MARRIED MY BEST FRIEND
Anon

This day I married my best friend
... the one I laugh with as we share life’s wondrous zest,
as we find new enjoyments and experience all that’s best.
... the one I live for because the world seems brighter
as our happy times are better and our burdens feel much lighter.
... the one I love with every fiber of my soul.
We used to feel vaguely incomplete, now together we are whole.

TRUE LOVE
Anon

True love is a sacred flame
That burns eternally,
And none can dim its special glow
Or change its destiny.
True love speaks in tender tones
And hears with gentle ear,
True love gives with open heart
And true love conquers fear.
True love makes no harsh demands
It neither rules nor binds,
And true love holds with gentle hands
The hearts that it entwines.

UNTITLED
Anon
A portion of your soul has been entwined with mine.
A gentle kind of togetherness, while separate we stand.
As two trees deeply rooted in separate plots of ground,
while their topmost branches come together,
forming a miracle of lace against the heavens.

WHAT IS LOVE?
Anon

Love is not just looking at each other and saying `You’re wonderful’.
There are times when we are anything but wonderful.
Love is looking out in the same direction. It is linking our strength to pull a common load. It is pushing together towards the far horizons, hand in hand.
Love is knowing that when our strength falters, we can borrow the strength of someone who cares. Love is a strange awareness that our sorrows will be shared and made lighter by sharing; that joys will be enriched and multiplied by the joy of another.
Love is knowing someone else cares that we are not alone in life.

WHY MARRIAGE?
Anon

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...
Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
Who won’t hold them against me,
Who loves me when I’m unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me...
Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold...

Because marriage means opportunity
To grow in love in friendship...

Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements...

Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole...

Because, knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage...
Because of this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

SOMEWHERE
Sir Edwin Arnold

Somewhere there waiteth in this world of ours
for one lone soul, another lonely soul -
Each chasing each through all the weary hours,
And meeting strangely at one sudden goal;
Then blend they - like green leaves with golden flowers,
Into one beautiful and perfect whole -
And life’s long night is ended, and the way
Lies open onward to eternal day.

A MARRIAGE PRAYER
Bud Henry Bowen

As we begin our journey down the road of life together. We don’t know what lies ahead for the road turns and bends. But help us to make the best of whatever comes our way.
Help us to hug each other often … laugh a lot, talk more, and argue less.
Help us to continue to enjoy each other as we did when we first met.
Help us to realise that nothing or no one is perfect and to look for the good in all things and all people including ourselves.
Help us to respect each other’s likes and dislikes, opinions and beliefs, hopes and dreams and fears even though we may not always understand them.
Help us to learn from each other and to help each other to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Help us to realise that there is design and purpose in our lives as in the world and no matter what happens to us we will hold on to each other and know that things have a way of working out for the good.
Help us to create for our children a   peaceful, stable home of love as a foundation on which they can build their lives.
But most of all, help us to keep lit the torch of love that we now share in our hearts to that by our loving example we may pass on the light of love to our children and to their children and to their children’s children   forever.

BECAUSE SHE WOULD ASK ME WHY I LOVED HER
Christopher Brennan
 
If questioning would make us wise
No eyes would ever gaze in eyes;
If all our tale were told in speech
No mouths would wander each to each.
Were spirits free from mortal mesh
And love not bound in hearts of flesh
No aching breasts would yearn to meet
And find their ecstasy complete.
For who is there that lives and knows
The secret powers by which he grows?
Were knowledge all, what were our need
To thrill and faint and sweetly bleed?
Then seek not, sweet, the “If” and “Why”
I love you now until I die.
For I must love because I live
And life in me is what you give.

SONNET FROM THE PORTUGUESE XLIII
(How do I love thee?)
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

SONNET FROM THE PORTUGUESE XIV
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If thou must love me, let it be for naught
Except for love’s sake only. Do not say,
‘I love her for her smile - her look - her way
Of speaking gently, - for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day’ -
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee - and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry:
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love’s sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love’s eternity.

GROW OLD ALONG WITH ME
Robert Browning

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which
the first was made:
Our times are in his hand
Who saith, “A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God:
see all, nor be afraid!”

COME WALK WITH ME
Judith Calver

Come walk with me, my love,
Along the paths of life.
And keep up by my side, my love,
As we walk the paths of life.

Stop for a while with me, my love,
The path is growing steep.
We’ll sit by the pool of life, my love,
Where the waters are so deep.

We’ll follow the stream of life from whence it flows
And seek its very source.
Follow the stream of life, my love,
We’ll follow the stream of life.

Come climb these rocks with me, my love,
And help me along the way.
And together we’ll reach the top, my love,
We’ll stand at the very top.

Look down on the world with me, my love,
Look down on this world of ours.
We walked through life together, my love,
Together we passed the hours.

And we’ll continue walking onwards
Through life’s more peaceful paths.

THE GIFT OF LOVE  
Judith Calver

Love is perfect tenderness,
A glance, a certain smile.
Love is understanding
And forgiving others too.
Love lies within us all
If we allow it to,
And perfect love encompasses
Each thing that we can do.
Love is simple yet complex;
It’s selfless and extreme.
Yet love is adoration
And can also reign supreme.
Love can be unrequited
And this love causes pain
But when love is returned in full
Our spirits rise again.
The love we share throughout our lives
With someone by our side
Is one of such perfection
It cannot be described.
So when we have this gift of love
Be thankful every day
And always find within your life
A moment to convey
The way you feel about the love
You hold within your heart
For it isn’t there for everyone
But a gift that is set apart.

LOVE’S RECIPE
Judith Calver

Take a pinch of lovers’ dreams
Add a tender smile or two
One spoonful of tenderness
And wishes fond and true
Throw in faithfulness and trust
Simmer a decade or two
Then serve as loving friendship
To last a lifetime through.

I WILL BE HERE
Steven Curtis Chapman
 
If in the morning when you wake,
If the sun does not appear,
I will be here.
If in the dark we lose sight of love,
Hold my hand and have no fear,
I will be here.
I will be here,
When you feel like being quiet,
When you need to speak your mind I will listen.
Through the winning, losing, and trying we’ll be together,
And I will be here.
If in the morning when you wake,
If the future is unclear,
I will be here.
As sure as seasons were made for change,
Our lifetimes were made for years,
I will be here.
I will be here,
And you can cry on my shoulder,
When the mirror tells us we’re older.
I will hold you, to watch you grow in beauty,
And tell you all the things you are to me.
We’ll be together and I will be here.
I will be true to the promises I’ve made,
To you and to the one who gave you to me.
I will be here.

LOVE
Roy Croft

I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can’t help dimly seeing there.
And for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find. I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life not a tavern but a temple; out of the works of my every day not a reproach but a song.

I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good, and more than any fate to make me happy.

You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself.

I PROMISE
Dorothy Colgan

I promise to give you the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own    person
and to realise that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.

I promise to share with you my time and my attention
and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you,
to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost fears
and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you,
to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and in bad,
with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how.
Completely and forever.

I WANNA BE YOURS
John Cooper Clarke

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust,
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust,
If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot,
You call the shots,
I wanna be yours.
I wanna be your raincoat
For those frequent rainy days,
I wanna be your dreamboat
When you want to sail away,
Let me be your teddy bear
Take me with you anywhere,
I don’t care,
I wanna be yours.
I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out,
I wanna be the electric heater
You’ll get cold without,
I wanna be your setting lotion
Hold your hair in deep devotion,
Deep as the deep Atlantic Ocean
That’s how deep is my devotion.

LOVE LIVES
John Clare

Love lives beyond
The tomb, the earth, which fades like dew.
I love the fond,
The faithful, and the true
Love lives in sleep,
The happiness of healthy dreams
Eve’s dews may weep,
But love delightful seems.

‘Tis heard in Spring
When light and sunbeams, warm and kind,
On angels’ wing
Bring love and music to the mind.

And where is voice,
So young, so beautiful and sweet
As nature’s choice,
Where Spring and lovers meet?

Love lives beyond
The tomb, the earth, the flowers, and dew.
I love the fond,
The faithful, young and true.

TODAY I MARRIED MY BEST FRIEND
Rachel Elizabeth Cooper

Today I married my best friend,
Our bond complete, it hath no end,
We share one soul, we share one heart,
A perfect time - a perfect start.
With these rings we share together,
Love so close to last forever,
This special day - two special hearts,
Let nothing keep this love apart.

ON LOVE
Dante from The Divine Comedy

The love of God, unutterable and perfect,
Flowers into a pure soul the way that light
Rushes into a transparent object.
The more love that it finds, the more it gives itself,
So that, as we grow more clear and open,
The more complete the joy of loving is.
And the more souls who resonate together,
The greater the intensity of their love,
For, mirror-like, each soul reflects the others.

FREEDOM WITHIN MARRIAGE
Madeleine L’Engle from The Crosswick Diaries

If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather, it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession but participation...
When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling ...
If our love for each other really is participatory, then all other human relationships nourish it; it is inclusive, never exclusive.

A DEDICATION TO MY WIFE
T.S. Eliot

To whom I owe the leaping delight
That quickens my senses in our
wakingtime
And the rhythm that governs the repose of our sleepingtime,
The breathing in unison.

Of lovers whose bodies smell of each other
Who think the same thoughts without need of speech
And babble the same speech without need of meaning.

No peevish winter wind shall chill
No sullen tropic sun shall wither
The roses in the rose-garden which is ours and ours only

But this dedication is for others to read:
These are my private words addressed to you in public.

TO BE ONE WITH EACH OTHER
George Eliot

What greater thing is there for two human souls
than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen
each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow,
to share with each other in all gladness,
to be one with each other in the
silent unspoken memories?

YOU’RE THE ONE FOR ME
Dallas Fisher
 
You’re the one for me.
Your eyes are like fire on a cold winter’s day
Your soul burns within me
Your touch blossoms my innermost passions
And your voice melts my heart.
You’re the one for me.
You are the key to unlocking
My most sacred fantasies.
You’re the one for me,
The one that wakens me
When I’m at my deepest sleep
With your passionate ways,
The one that rivets me with
Your beautiful, unique face.
You’re the one for me.
You are the one that I want to share
My life, my love with for all eternity.
I will love you always and forever.
You’re the one for me.


MARRIAGE
Mary Weston Fordham

The die is cast, come weal, come woe,
Two lives are joined together,
For better or for worse, the link
Which naught but death can sever.
The die is cast, come grief, come joy
Come richer, or come poorer,
If love but binds the mystic tie,
Blest is the bridal hour.

THE COLOUR OF MY LOVE
David Foster and Arthur Janov

I’ll paint a sun to warm your heart
Knowing that we’ll never part.
I’ll draw the years all passing by
So much to learn, so much to try.
I’ll paint my mood in a shadow blue,
Paint my soul to be with you.
I’ll sketch your lips in shaded tones,
Draw your mouth to my own.
I’ll trace a hand to wipe your tears
And trace a look to calm your fears.
A silhouette of dark and light
To hold each other oh so tight.
I’ll paint the stars in the evening sky,
Draw the light into your eyes,
A touch of love, a touch of grace,
To softly fall on your moonlit face.
And with this ring our lives will start,
Let nothing keep our love apart.
I’ll take your hand to hold in mine,
And be together through all time.

LOVE
Reddy Fox
 
Love cannot be defined in one single term,
It cannot be taught and cannot be measured.
It should always be handled carefully,
An eternal and precious gift to always be
Treasured.
Love is fickle, love is kind,
It can only be bought by the heart.
Love sometimes makes you suffer,
It makes you cry when you are apart.
You cannot help who you love,
Nor can you make one love another.
Love is gentle and caring,
As is the love of a loving brother.
It cannot be taken lightly,
Those who pretend have much to learn.
Pompous airs accomplish nothing,
In the long run there’s nothing in return.
One may die or one may leave,
Leaving others in despair.
But true love will never end, As long as both continue to care.
So you get a taste of love, It’s gentle, kind and fair.
It’s eternally remembered...
Lifting spirits when in despair.

THE PRAYER
St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Use of confetti
Many churches and ceremony venues have now banned the throwing of confetti in their grounds. Dyed rice, dried rose petals or lavender may be thrown instead but check with your church or venue and advise your guests accordingly.

Did you know? Civil ceremonies are becoming more popular each year.  In 2004, 59% of all marriages were performed by a celebrant, up from 38% in 1981.

• Find a marriage celebrant
• Find a ceremony venue
• Preparing for marriage
• Legal requirements
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• Listen to popular classical ceremony pieces

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